Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
