Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
