jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
