I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
