are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
