Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
