ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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