I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
