UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
