Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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