it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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