I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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