over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
