Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
