12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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