just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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