She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
