just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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