jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
