Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
