Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
