So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
