Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
