my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
