i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
