Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
