That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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