last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
