On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
