The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
