The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize