Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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