Welp...herpes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
