Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
