i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
