i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
