She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
