SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My vagina is officially offended.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
