im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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