Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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