you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
