Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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