You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
