Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
