:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
