I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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