you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
