So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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