You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize