i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize