opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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