I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
