I can't watch pbs sober anymore
wanna go halves on a baby?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
