i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
