I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
