I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
