Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
