I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
