You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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