he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
