I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
