i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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