dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm too high and old for this...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
