no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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