So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
