Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
