I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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