I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
