everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
