I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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