Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
