I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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